Crippled

I am crippled.
Some aspects are easy to see, others hidden. Some aspects are temporary, others seem to be permanent.
I am hoping to change that.
My temporary affliction is due to years of physical exertion. I am recovering from procedures intended to repair that damage, and my physical malady will cease to be an impact on my life.

I am a physical person, so this temporary downtime is frustrating. I am doing what I can to speed my recovery, so I can leave the house and resume my worklife.

My permanent affliction is an emotional one. Whether it is truly permanant remains to be seen. I do know that I have had it for most of my adult life. It deals with feeling. I feel badly.

No, that is not an example of poor grammar. By saying that I feel badly, I am stating that the mechanism which allows me to feel is broken.

It hasn't always been like that. A series of events, and my reactions to them, damaged my ability to truly interact with people. It started out in a very promising way, though...

My first "adult" relationship was a positive, healthy affair. We met over a shared love of fitness. She was a bodybuilder, as was I. I was in the service, she was a transplant to the town. She was biding her time, waiting for her purpose. I was finding out who I was going to be, as a man.

We cared about each other, without reservation. It was nice. Better than nice. It was love.
For the 2 years we were together, we were happy. No drama, no jealousy, no games. Just 2 young people, enjoying the gifts the other had to give.

My enlistment was coming to an end, and it had always been my plan to go to college. Tamara had discovered an interest in furthering her education as well, and had been accepted to the University of Michigan. Her family was there, and her family had become more important to her in the time we had been together. She stated that my connection to my family had rekindled her desire to be closer to her own.

In the second half of 1989, we kissed for the last time. She drove north, to Michigan, I drove south, to Florida.

We parted with no drama, no regrets. We were excited for each others new lives, despite their not being intertwined.

That chapter closed, never to be more than a happy memory.