Assumptions

I think I am a screw up.
At least, this is the assumption I have.
I assume that I have screwed something up, offended someone, made a mess of things.

I don't know why I do this, but it permeates every facet of my life.
At work, if I am called in to see the boss, I assume I am about to get an ass chewing.
I have never gotten one.
The closest I came was an unsubstantiated complaint, and it was laughed off by my higher-ups.
Every time I have been called before my superiors, it has been a positive thing. An award, a letter of recognition, an accolade.

But I always assume I am about to be reprimanded or worse.

In my personal life, I assume that I have wronged those I care about. We can part with pleasantries and a hug. If I do not hear from them in some unspecified period of time, I assume that I have offended them.
I replay everything in my head, trying to determine what it was that I said that made them angry.

Usually, they are just busy, caught up in their own lives. It didn't occur to them to call because there was no new piece of information to give me.

But that doesn't stop me from assuming the worst.

It is difficult for me to understand that I am an anomoly. Most people do not interact with other people the way I do. Everybody, deep down inside, thinks they are "normal".

So many people that have drifted in and out of my life were disposable and temporary.
My natural thought is that I am disposable and temporary in the lives of others.

I don't mind that, 99% of the time.
It is when I care about a person that it becomes difficult.
Not because I am disposable and temporary, but because I assume I am.
And I don't want to be.