Will Hunting

I stood in front of my mirror.
I looked myself in the eye.
I said it out loud for the first time... ever.

"It wasn't your fault."
yes, it was
"It wasn't your fault."
yes, it was
"It wasn't your fault."
i wasn't there
"It wasn't your fault."
i should have been there
"It wasn't your fault."
i killed her
"It wasn't YOUR fault."
i should have been driving
"It wasn't YOUR fault."
i could have saved her
"It WASN'T your fault."
i could have
"It wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't your fault."

I couldn't breathe. I didn't recognize my own reddened, contorted face in the mirror.
Fifteen years worth of tears I had hidden behind a brave face. I offered up every argument, every justification as to why I was responsible. They don't make sense anymore.

As I write this, my eyes are dry.

It wasn't my fault.