I suppose that I had just had enough.
In my mind, every time I allowed someone into my life, they took every opportunity to trash it.
This is not a fair assessment... I know.
Tamara had been a very positive relationship, but that was a happy memory. I wasn't doing a lot of dwelling on happy memories.
May had been a wonderful experience, but I was allowing a split second at the end to define the entireity.
Cheryl never would have happened, had I not been actively trying to make a wreck of myself.
I can look back on it now and finally begin to see things as they really were. At the time, I got more and more bitter.
I might not like me, but at least I know I will be there in the morning.
So, I closed up shop.
I still dated casually, but the whole Shawn episode had been a waste of time, so I didn't even bother with looking for a "girlfriend".
I thought I was pretty happy.
The absence of external stimulus does not equal happiness.
To somebody that has forgotten what happiness feels like, it is easy to confuse the two.
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