Outside Looking In

Alcoholics have a phrase, "A Moment of Clarity".

One morning, after working all night, I glanced at my wall.
There was a picture of me and my team, from my days in the Army.

I hadn't looked at it in a while, it was just part of the background.

I don't know why I looked at it, but I ended up staring at it.

The young man in the picture was lean. Strong. Clean cut. Smiling.

Where did he go?

I looked in the mirror. Chubby, bloated from alcohol. Long hair. Unshaven.

What would she think of me now?

The long hair and beard were a deliberate choice. I decided one night that I didn't want to look like the guy that had been flimflammed by Cheryl. It was an outward change, but at least I didn't have to look into the eyes of an idiot in the morning.

The hairy guy was a different guy.

I went to the barbershop that morning and got a haircut. I came home and shaved.

I threw away all my alcohol.

I didn't touch a drop for the next 6 months.

I lost weight, and began to actually feel better.

At the end of 6 months, I realized that I didn't miss booze. I wasn't an alcoholic. I had been a drunk.

At the end of 6 months, the debt was under control, only a third of it left. I consolidated it into a single loan, which freed up considerable disposable cash.

And I thought I was past all of it.

I was wrong.