Side Effects

It was about this time that I started withdrawing from "healthy" interactions with people.

As a kid and teenager, I was EXTREMELY social. I always had a bunch of friends, plans every weekend, active in school stuff.

Add into that a pretty healthy family life. No late night sneaky uncle drama, no sibling rivalry... we loved each other.

I don't know why I felt I couldn't talk to them about what was going on with me.

Shame? Guilt?

In my mind, I had just killed somebody. Who could love me after that?

I guess I faked it pretty well. Nobody knew the hell I was in. I suppose I seemed normal to those around me.

They knew of my frustration with the GI Bill, and my money problems, but I never let on to the larger issue.

To them, May was just a girl I had dated.

I never got around to introducing her to my family. I thought I had more time.

So, there I was, putting on a brave face for my family.

I stayed in a lot, just drinking and listening to depressing music. If I did go out, I got twisted off the axle drunk.

I lost touch with a lot of my friends.

I lost my job at the gym.

I didn't care.