Crumbs

If 5 different people see the same event, you will get 5 different interpretations as to what transpired.

If you were to ask 5 different people to describe me, you would get 5 different descriptions.

Not many people know me... the whole me.

I break off little bits and pieces for different people.

I am coming to realize that I am afraid of other people. I am afraid of letting them be close enough to me to hurt me.

What I thought was a position of strength has been, in actuality, a position of weakness.

The people I work with know an entirely different person than those I know socially.

One friend may know different aspects of my personality than others know.

In the military, this is called compartmentation.

One bit of information is useless on it's own. As part of a larger picture, the information takes on meaning and importance.

Some people know about May.
Others know about my divorce.
Some know about my family.
Others about my work.

No one person has enough information to put me at their mercy.

And I am coming to realize that on most levels, my associations are meaningless. Disposable. Temporary.

Now, I am faced with someone knowing more than I have told them.
She has listened.
She has guessed.
She has made logical assumptions.

And she has been right.
And she is still here.

It scares me.

Yet, I take comfort in it.

I want more of it, frightening as it is.